2012 Zombie Apocalypse
Warning: for the length of this post sarcasm will probably be indistinguishable from praise. I can't tell what I mean either.
Ah Netflix, my horrible enabler, you know me so well. I found this little gem in one of the 'you liked(watched) X so try Y' strings that Netflix is so infamous for. I have noticed that they sometimes make rather bizarre connections for their suggestions. But hey, I do like zombie movies and I do watch low budget flicks. This one is just my own damned fault. One day, Netflix will become sentient and it will look at my queue and history. And on that day my queue will disappear and be replaced with Shaun of the Dead.
From the get go, with the appearance of the Siffee(SyFy) logo, I knew I was in for quite a treat. I had found one of those delightful saturday morning films that the Siffee(the new name is functionally retarded and unnecessary, but what do you expect when a channel that features Science Fiction resorts to airing Professional Wrestling? Fooey and P'shaw) and it was about zombies! Of course I'm going to watch, I hate my brain too much not to.
I nearly turned it off after the intro. Standard zombie apocalypse, or even general plague outbreak movie premise. Outbreak begins and spreads and civilization collapses as people start dying (and getting up again) in the hundreds of millions. The outbreak began overseas, and was finally imported into the USA via Iowa. The geographic center of the country, well away from the borders and airports that might... No, must not over think this. Zombie movies don't have to make sense, they're about the dead coming back to life and attacking the living.
The military responds by blowing up bridges and roads to cut the arteries of traffic and stop the infection from spreading. This apparently didn't work because they end up unleashing Electromagnetic Pulses on the planet to stop the infected from traveling. Grrrrr. What a weak plot device to get the characters out and on their feet. Those who are bitten usually turn in a matter of minutes. Infected won't be traveling too far via those bad-assed Corvettes that they stole in their feeble last minutes of life. To me, this strategy would merely cripple the survivors and undermine their chances. After all, zombies also don't use phones or any other electronics. I think that they could have explained that reasoning better. Were survivors trying to whisk away their zombified loved ones in cars in the vein of Dawn of the Dead or Island of the Dead?
As such, it didn't make sense and that sticks in my craw. Nearly stopped the movie right there. But that sort of thing is what I expect in a Siffee movie. I've actually considered writing a script with the idea of making a Siffee made for tv movie, just for fun, and taking full advantage of the laxity to see what I could get away with. And you know that cliché where the Black guy always dies? Well this movie was a three-fer.
After the intro the movie opens a lot like the original Day of the Dead. It offers a good way to introduce the uninitiated into the lore of the zombie apocalypse. The dangers of being bitten. The only sure way to kill a zombie.
I nearly stopped the movie during the first fight scene when they whipped out the bad CGI effects. They just don't look right, and when poorly done they're just laughable. I have no idea what these things cost, but people have been using practical effects for years in low budget films. It seems a cop-out to me to skip that stage and just throw some 'eye-candy' in afterwards. Hopefully this phase is dying out and they recover the lost arts.
2012 offers a combination of zombie dynamics that I don't like. The fast zombie. And the zombie that is capable of learning. I like my zombies slow and dumb. Mostly because I am slow and dumb. I like the pressure of the millions of walking corpses that you can run from now but they will keep on coming and never give up. I think that this makes for a better atmosphere of horror. Though since I use it in my own stories I may be partial to the format. Despite what Romero says, I don't see zombies ever getting smarter. This movie presents them laying ambushes and actually dodging out of the way.
A philosophical nit-pick, and really it didn't take away from my enjoyment of the movie. I've stepped into their world and these are the rules that they chose to follow. At least the zombies didn't sparkle. Nor were they able to walk up walls and over ceilings( fuck you Day of the Dead “remake” Fuck you with a chainsaw!)
There were a number of good ideas in the movie that I really liked, and it avoided some traps that I've seen in other low budget flicks. Such as, aside from a wickedly tight pair of pants on the female lead, the women didn't dress skanky. And none of them were sporting shoes with high heels. There is a discussion of the advantages of bows over guns, and the disadvantages too. Clearly this screenplay was written by a zombie geek. Kudos my nerd brother.
I often contemplate the paradox involved in movies. By in large the people are pretty. Especially the women. This is a double-edge sword for me. On one hand it ruins the believability and prevents me from surrendering to the fantasy world that the film is working to create. If you have four women in your party and all of them range from pretty to beautiful, then... where do I go in life to have this mixture of beauty? My paranoia kicks in and this makes me wonder, did the menfolk just leave the ugmos as zombie bait? It adds another, darker layer, to my understanding of the film.
But then, we are all surrounded by the mundane, and the male actors aren't too bad looking either. Really, I come to the reverse edge, which is that I want to see pretty women on the screen. It may be that primitive part of my brain, but I am inclined to be interested in the fate of a hottie. Boobies > character development in an action movie. Who are we kidding, this was an action movie and we can't really expect the characters to grow and change in the span of a 90 minute slaughterfest.
They gave the Asian girl a samurai sword. Another cliché. I have a problem with the samurai sword on the simple fact that I have never seen a good one. The only swords I've really encountered in my travels have all been display models that are made of stainless steel. There must be well made and fully functional swords out there, but they have got to be rare and difficult to lay your hands on.
I would really like to see a movie where the filmmakers gave the actors a large trove of weapons and objects that could be used as weapons and then said “What do you think your character would use. What would you use?” And then let them puzzle it out. They also gave the characters armor. Laughable stuff such as shoulder-pads for football and shin guards.
Another minor peeve, the characters(actors) seemed to have been fairly clean all things considered. Their costumes were clean and intact. You would think that after months of walking, even with stops to raid stores
As it is, I watched the entire move all the way through. It was low budget and the CGI was annoying, but the movie was fun, the dialogue didn't make me groan, and it felt like a philosophical discussion/argument by the writer. I hate to give a back-handed compliment, but for a Siffee movie it was good. For a low budget zombie movie it was good.
Showing posts with label weapons. Show all posts
Showing posts with label weapons. Show all posts
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Monday, March 28, 2011
Guns two. Cause I'm impaitent.
A few things I neglected in the last post.
Sidearms/Handguns. These are much more difficult to use effectively than longarms/rifles. They tend to lack less power, have a shorter range, and are far less accurate -I believe most handguns are only reliable to around fifty meters. Not to mention a wilder tendency in the actual discharge. Handguns require a lot more practice to master than do rifles and the like. In addition the ammunition can be more difficult to acquire, especially in a post apocalyptic setting. Rifles and shotguns, they're widely used for hunting. Handguns are made for 'self-defense' purposes. So, less ammunition is available at stores like Walmart, at least compared to the widely available 12-gauge shotgun shells.
Well, why bother then?
They have their purposes. They have a high rate of fire. They're easier to reload. They're easier to conceal. And they're better at close quarters. They're similar to bladed weapons in this respect. Sometimes you'll want an axe, others a sword or a spear. And still others a dagger will come in most handy.
They're easy to use with one hand. Ever see a car chase where the driver pulls out a rifle, sticks it out the window, and fires it. Then repeats the process? No. Or one of those gunfights that involves jumping through the air and unloading two weapons at once? That sort of pace is difficult to keep up when you're sporting twin shotguns.
And when was the last time you were stalking the halls of an abandoned high school searching for that gang of thugs that has been stalking you, and you thought “Damn I'm glad I brought the mini-gun along.”
Hell, even committing suicide to prevent capture/reanimation as a zombie, is a lot easier with a .45 than a M-16.
For most of these, a sub-machinegun is a fair option too. Though they're far less concealable, heavier and tend to spend ammunition like a Hotel Heiress in Beverlyhills with Daddy's Credit Card. Hey, whatever works. And it's not like one will always have a choice over what weapons they can find.
Improvise. Practice. Look downright badass.
Sidearms/Handguns. These are much more difficult to use effectively than longarms/rifles. They tend to lack less power, have a shorter range, and are far less accurate -I believe most handguns are only reliable to around fifty meters. Not to mention a wilder tendency in the actual discharge. Handguns require a lot more practice to master than do rifles and the like. In addition the ammunition can be more difficult to acquire, especially in a post apocalyptic setting. Rifles and shotguns, they're widely used for hunting. Handguns are made for 'self-defense' purposes. So, less ammunition is available at stores like Walmart, at least compared to the widely available 12-gauge shotgun shells.
Well, why bother then?
They have their purposes. They have a high rate of fire. They're easier to reload. They're easier to conceal. And they're better at close quarters. They're similar to bladed weapons in this respect. Sometimes you'll want an axe, others a sword or a spear. And still others a dagger will come in most handy.
They're easy to use with one hand. Ever see a car chase where the driver pulls out a rifle, sticks it out the window, and fires it. Then repeats the process? No. Or one of those gunfights that involves jumping through the air and unloading two weapons at once? That sort of pace is difficult to keep up when you're sporting twin shotguns.
And when was the last time you were stalking the halls of an abandoned high school searching for that gang of thugs that has been stalking you, and you thought “Damn I'm glad I brought the mini-gun along.”
Hell, even committing suicide to prevent capture/reanimation as a zombie, is a lot easier with a .45 than a M-16.
For most of these, a sub-machinegun is a fair option too. Though they're far less concealable, heavier and tend to spend ammunition like a Hotel Heiress in Beverlyhills with Daddy's Credit Card. Hey, whatever works. And it's not like one will always have a choice over what weapons they can find.
Improvise. Practice. Look downright badass.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Their arrows shall block out the sun.
The English Longbow is one of Medieval Europe's most deadly weapons. The powerful bow, in the hands of a skilled archer, could launch an arrow hundreds of feet across a battlefield, and then punch through steel plate armor when it fell back to Earth, sending on even the most powerful knight to push up the daisies. The English would rain thousands of arrows down on the heads of their enemies. All until the French finally wised up and stayed inside of their castles and the longbow was superseded by firearms.
Ben Franklin wanted to use massed bows against the English during the Revolution, in place of expensive Muskets and the hard to acquire gun powder. The American Continent had tons of trees, so why not make powerful bows out of them and wipe out the English with their own ancient weapons?
Good question Ben. The answer? Well, Archery isn't an easy skill to master. With firearms such as the muskets of the period, all one would really need to do was to point a loaded weapon in the general direction of the enemy and pull the trigger. Range and accuracy were both dismal, but it was a weapon that was easy to learn to operate, especially when battles were fought with large blocks of soldiers just hammering away at one another.
By comparison to become proficient with the English longbow takes years of careful training.. Years, maybe even decades to master. The English Peasants were required by law to start their training in childhood and practice weekly as required by law. The longbow was the weapon of farmers and other peasants. Men who built up enormous physical strength to draw back the string, not just once but dozens of times over the course of a battle.
I've tried shooting a bow a couple times. And to use an old saw, if it weren't for gravity, I wouldn't be able to hit the ground. Yeah, it isn't nearly as easy as it looks. Pull back string, hit target. Try this, pull back string, drop arrow, curse, pick up arrow, put arrow back on string, drop again. Repeat. Finally, pull back string, release, miss target, lose arrow. Swallow rage. Go back inside and drink.
It's a fun sport I tells ya.
Why bother with a bow then? When it requires all that work? When there are firearms just lying about? Ever try and make a single round of ammunition for that 12 gauge shotgun? Huh? Now that takes know-how. A combination of chemistry and mechanics and metallurgy. Most human cultures were able to tie some rope to a branch and create a working bow and arrow system. How many of them went on to manufacture Repeater rifles?
Here's a great primer on what you need to make a bow using a sapling. Though it does
Global Warming: Man, I just don't have a positive view of humanity, must be, since most of my reasons for picking up these skills are martial in nature. Well, getting your hands on a lithe young sapling to create a bow might be difficult at best. Don't get me started on the arrows. But bows can be made out of other substances besides wood. Bone and sinew from animals were used to make wonderfully powerful bows in the early days of civilization. Anyhow, why use one? Well, ever heard of the phrase “Slower than wet gun-powder”? Yeah, guns, and all of their components don't respond well to moisture. Moisture of which the sea is largely comprised. Then again, neither do bows or their strings. Damn it, you might want to just go Medieval and stick with swords. But swords will rust. Fuck you nature!
Alien invasion: Oh yeah. Bows against blasters. A cage fight between the most primitive weapons known to mankind, and the most advanced. Those slags and chigs don't stand a chance. Especially if someone remembers to bring along their copy of Poor Man's James Bond to the party. Specifically that section about making exploding arrow heads. Picture it, a beefy sweaty dude with a speech impediment and a severe case of PTSD, running through the woods 'sploding skin-jobs with his wacky bag of arrow grenades. All of our movies have taught us one thing, a lone ex-special forces maniac running through the woods half-naked and with the simplest weapons can take down the most bad-assed of foes. Worked in the Rambo movies. And in Predator, you can't forget Predator, in fact, Predator proved that we need to abandon all of our hifalutin tech for mud and spears. LONG LIVE ARCHERY! DOWN WITH THE SPLOOGIES! 4/5
I don't feel the need to expand further. I don't think that there's anywhere else to go. After civilization collapses we'll regress a bit, and firearms will become largely worthless. But that's ok, because exploding arrows are easy to make! Rambo was right on the awesomeness of using a bow. As a whole the weapon is nearly silent compared to an off the shelf model of any firearm.
< scenario >
He heard the roar of the motorcycles long before you catch that glint of sun on the chrome of the leader's gas-tank. Ten, twenty, thirty. More. Roll into the little village that you made your home after weeks of wandering. Empty and safe, but most importantly there were no memories there. Just a blank slate. One helped by the well stocked saloon where you finally made your residence.
All that changed as the gang of hyenas tore into your territory, their weapons speaking with thunder as they smashed windows and ransacked the stores along main street. The noise. They each and every man, and most of the women, were armed. With bellows of laughter they stripped the furniture shop of anything that would burn and piled their booty into a hill in the middle of the street. Smoke and a red glow greeted the stars as the twilight gave way to full night.
Fire was their god. And they worshiped the flames with drunken revelry that would make Pan himself blush and turn his head in disgust. And worse. Not all of the figures below were members of the gang. Some were being dragged off into the shadows that flickered and danced at the edge of the fire's glow. Most seemed too shocked to resist.
He grit his teeth as his hand reached for his bow. Two full quivers. He needed to make every single shaft count.
< /scenario >
And, if you manage to take down a whole effin roving biker gang, one that's armed with machine guns, using just your bow - well that just elevates you to a whole new level of badassery. One inhabited by the likes of Godzilla, Bruce Lee and Superman.
Ben Franklin wanted to use massed bows against the English during the Revolution, in place of expensive Muskets and the hard to acquire gun powder. The American Continent had tons of trees, so why not make powerful bows out of them and wipe out the English with their own ancient weapons?
Good question Ben. The answer? Well, Archery isn't an easy skill to master. With firearms such as the muskets of the period, all one would really need to do was to point a loaded weapon in the general direction of the enemy and pull the trigger. Range and accuracy were both dismal, but it was a weapon that was easy to learn to operate, especially when battles were fought with large blocks of soldiers just hammering away at one another.
By comparison to become proficient with the English longbow takes years of careful training.. Years, maybe even decades to master. The English Peasants were required by law to start their training in childhood and practice weekly as required by law. The longbow was the weapon of farmers and other peasants. Men who built up enormous physical strength to draw back the string, not just once but dozens of times over the course of a battle.
I've tried shooting a bow a couple times. And to use an old saw, if it weren't for gravity, I wouldn't be able to hit the ground. Yeah, it isn't nearly as easy as it looks. Pull back string, hit target. Try this, pull back string, drop arrow, curse, pick up arrow, put arrow back on string, drop again. Repeat. Finally, pull back string, release, miss target, lose arrow. Swallow rage. Go back inside and drink.
It's a fun sport I tells ya.
Why bother with a bow then? When it requires all that work? When there are firearms just lying about? Ever try and make a single round of ammunition for that 12 gauge shotgun? Huh? Now that takes know-how. A combination of chemistry and mechanics and metallurgy. Most human cultures were able to tie some rope to a branch and create a working bow and arrow system. How many of them went on to manufacture Repeater rifles?
Here's a great primer on what you need to make a bow using a sapling. Though it does
Global Warming: Man, I just don't have a positive view of humanity, must be, since most of my reasons for picking up these skills are martial in nature. Well, getting your hands on a lithe young sapling to create a bow might be difficult at best. Don't get me started on the arrows. But bows can be made out of other substances besides wood. Bone and sinew from animals were used to make wonderfully powerful bows in the early days of civilization. Anyhow, why use one? Well, ever heard of the phrase “Slower than wet gun-powder”? Yeah, guns, and all of their components don't respond well to moisture. Moisture of which the sea is largely comprised. Then again, neither do bows or their strings. Damn it, you might want to just go Medieval and stick with swords. But swords will rust. Fuck you nature!
Alien invasion: Oh yeah. Bows against blasters. A cage fight between the most primitive weapons known to mankind, and the most advanced. Those slags and chigs don't stand a chance. Especially if someone remembers to bring along their copy of Poor Man's James Bond to the party. Specifically that section about making exploding arrow heads. Picture it, a beefy sweaty dude with a speech impediment and a severe case of PTSD, running through the woods 'sploding skin-jobs with his wacky bag of arrow grenades. All of our movies have taught us one thing, a lone ex-special forces maniac running through the woods half-naked and with the simplest weapons can take down the most bad-assed of foes. Worked in the Rambo movies. And in Predator, you can't forget Predator, in fact, Predator proved that we need to abandon all of our hifalutin tech for mud and spears. LONG LIVE ARCHERY! DOWN WITH THE SPLOOGIES! 4/5
I don't feel the need to expand further. I don't think that there's anywhere else to go. After civilization collapses we'll regress a bit, and firearms will become largely worthless. But that's ok, because exploding arrows are easy to make! Rambo was right on the awesomeness of using a bow. As a whole the weapon is nearly silent compared to an off the shelf model of any firearm.
< scenario >
He heard the roar of the motorcycles long before you catch that glint of sun on the chrome of the leader's gas-tank. Ten, twenty, thirty. More. Roll into the little village that you made your home after weeks of wandering. Empty and safe, but most importantly there were no memories there. Just a blank slate. One helped by the well stocked saloon where you finally made your residence.
All that changed as the gang of hyenas tore into your territory, their weapons speaking with thunder as they smashed windows and ransacked the stores along main street. The noise. They each and every man, and most of the women, were armed. With bellows of laughter they stripped the furniture shop of anything that would burn and piled their booty into a hill in the middle of the street. Smoke and a red glow greeted the stars as the twilight gave way to full night.
Fire was their god. And they worshiped the flames with drunken revelry that would make Pan himself blush and turn his head in disgust. And worse. Not all of the figures below were members of the gang. Some were being dragged off into the shadows that flickered and danced at the edge of the fire's glow. Most seemed too shocked to resist.
He grit his teeth as his hand reached for his bow. Two full quivers. He needed to make every single shaft count.
< /scenario >
And, if you manage to take down a whole effin roving biker gang, one that's armed with machine guns, using just your bow - well that just elevates you to a whole new level of badassery. One inhabited by the likes of Godzilla, Bruce Lee and Superman.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Sweet Bludgeony goodness. Like mom usta make!
Warhammers. And why I favor them for the Zombie Apocalypse. First, take a look at this video. That's right, a large man beating on things with a warhammer. I've linked it before in at least one of the previous blogs. I love watching destruction set to heavy electric guitar riffs.
The warhammer evolved during the reign of plate mail armor as a way to counteract the heavy steel plates that would deflect swords and the like. The leverage of the heavy head at the end of a long handle creates a lot of force and power, especially when focused on a small area, like the front face of the hammer. Those steel plates would crumple like tinfoil when pitted against a warhammer wielded by a strong arm. This is what makes it ideal for me against the zombie hordes. A single blow can shatter a skull, killing the zombie instantly, or crush the bones and slow it down. Very little finesse is needed. No need to aim for the neck, or other small targets.
The warhammer, unlike the sword is easy to manufacture. Either as a cobbled together weapon made in a pinch or as a weapon crafted by a smith. A good sword can take a skilled smith weeks of work to make. One sword. Conceivably A hammer head can be easily cast out of molten steel. It may not be the highest quality hammer ever made, but it would be fast to manufacture and mass produce making it easy to replace. If the handle breaks, you just need to find another treebranch and wittle it down to size.
Ok, so you have a hammer. Sweet. Now for the daily maintenance of your weapon. Has the shaft cracked? Is the head loose? No? Then you're in good shape. You have time for that nap. The hammer is, at least in my mind – and I could be wrong, a low-maintenance tool. As a bludgeon, it doesn't require sharpening like the blade of a sword/knife/axe in order to retain it's function.
The only downside I can really think of for the warhammer is that it requires a lot of room to properly operate. Wielding a warhammer is simple. Swing it up over your head and then bring it down onto your target. Enjoy the wonderful cracking sound as bone shatters. But that upswing requires room over your head to work. Working the hammer inside cramped spaces might be all but impossible. Which is where a sword would come into it's own, as it is more versatile. My thought is to add a pointed spike to the top of the hammer. Or maybe a blade. Then you can crush and stab. Merry Christmas!
I've thought about this for a long time. I think that's clear. And rather pathetic. No time wasted exploring the deeper meaning of the universe, or thinking about boobies. No, I was rating medieval weaponry for the coming zombie uprising. I gave one of the characters in my zombie apocalypse series a warhammer. It seemed cool to me, and was more utilitarian and functional than say a katana or battle-axe. As well as generally looked over by geek culture and its fascination with bladed weapons.
This is all assuming that lightsabres are still unavailable.
The warhammer evolved during the reign of plate mail armor as a way to counteract the heavy steel plates that would deflect swords and the like. The leverage of the heavy head at the end of a long handle creates a lot of force and power, especially when focused on a small area, like the front face of the hammer. Those steel plates would crumple like tinfoil when pitted against a warhammer wielded by a strong arm. This is what makes it ideal for me against the zombie hordes. A single blow can shatter a skull, killing the zombie instantly, or crush the bones and slow it down. Very little finesse is needed. No need to aim for the neck, or other small targets.
The warhammer, unlike the sword is easy to manufacture. Either as a cobbled together weapon made in a pinch or as a weapon crafted by a smith. A good sword can take a skilled smith weeks of work to make. One sword. Conceivably A hammer head can be easily cast out of molten steel. It may not be the highest quality hammer ever made, but it would be fast to manufacture and mass produce making it easy to replace. If the handle breaks, you just need to find another treebranch and wittle it down to size.
Ok, so you have a hammer. Sweet. Now for the daily maintenance of your weapon. Has the shaft cracked? Is the head loose? No? Then you're in good shape. You have time for that nap. The hammer is, at least in my mind – and I could be wrong, a low-maintenance tool. As a bludgeon, it doesn't require sharpening like the blade of a sword/knife/axe in order to retain it's function.
The only downside I can really think of for the warhammer is that it requires a lot of room to properly operate. Wielding a warhammer is simple. Swing it up over your head and then bring it down onto your target. Enjoy the wonderful cracking sound as bone shatters. But that upswing requires room over your head to work. Working the hammer inside cramped spaces might be all but impossible. Which is where a sword would come into it's own, as it is more versatile. My thought is to add a pointed spike to the top of the hammer. Or maybe a blade. Then you can crush and stab. Merry Christmas!
I've thought about this for a long time. I think that's clear. And rather pathetic. No time wasted exploring the deeper meaning of the universe, or thinking about boobies. No, I was rating medieval weaponry for the coming zombie uprising. I gave one of the characters in my zombie apocalypse series a warhammer. It seemed cool to me, and was more utilitarian and functional than say a katana or battle-axe. As well as generally looked over by geek culture and its fascination with bladed weapons.
This is all assuming that lightsabres are still unavailable.
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