Most living creatures that I've encountered, Human beings included, are open systems. We need energy to survive, but we don't manufacture that energy our own selves. We take an outside fuel source and chemically convert it into energy. Plants for instance feed off of the sun's energy. The rest of us are parasites on the plants, or parasites on the parasites. Comforting thought isn't it.
More so with the additional realization that in many climates the fall's harvest will have to hold the farmer and everyone who relies on them until the next fall harvest (Though I believe that there are many crops that can be planted for harvest in early summer.)
One of the limiting factors that haunts every species on the planet is food. There are fewer carnivores than herbivores, as the former feed on the latter. Herbivores in turn are exponentially outnumbered by the plants that they feed on. And parasitic vines that feed on mammals that get to close to the sacred pyramid? Well they just suck - back to the point at hand though. We're all limited by how much food we can collect for ourselves and our offspring. Unless we result to cannibalism, and who hasn't thought about eating a baby from time to time. So succulent.... I bet with a nice marinade made of garlic, Worcestershire sauce and a good wine would do wonders for the little buggers.
Back in the days of yore. Well before yesterday. Hell, even before last Monday! Way back when, at the dawn of our species, we survived as hunter-gatherers. Meaning that we killed animals and picked berries for food. In essence, whatever we found we kept. That's great when the world was young and you couldn't throw a stone without killing a moose or six, and every second step saw you tripping over a bush laden with juicy berries. Those were the days. But we're not a bright species, and we have a tendency to over-do things and shit where we eat. So, we ate all the moose and picked those bushes clean and then starved to death. Great for nature – as it kept us from overwhelming the surface of the earth. Briefly.
Then some genius had the brilliant idea that they wouldn't eat all the seeds that they had collected. Instead they would put some in the ground and let them grow. Reap the harvest, rinse and repeat. Pretty damn simple. They began a cycle that we've been following ever since, though the number of farmers have dropped dramatically in the last decades, even from what they were a mere century ago.
As the years passed farmers honed their skills, and improved the plants they farmed by selective breeding. Basic genetic engineering, we've been doing it for years.
In one of the high schools I attended back in the day, they offered Agriculture classes. Four years worth – as the town was surrounded by farms and the school system was full of farm kids. Four years of Ag. That they have four years worth of information to instill should tell you something right there. That's not to mention the four year degrees that are offered in some rural colleges. From the different types of soil and fertilizers for the maximum output, to diseases and other pests that will lessen your harvest, there are a lot of factors that go into making growing food successful. Better get some practice gardening.
A lot of the ground work has been laid here. There's a lot of knowledge to be had. Wish I would have taken one or two of the classes, but I didn't expect to ever need farming. What a fool I am. We've gotten well beyond 'put seeds in dirt – wait – eat'. Wtf? I want a three step process to growing food! Where I just plant a couple of those frozen burrito trees and come back and pick them when they're right and pop em into the microwave.
For those of you that count Bacon as a vegetable keep in mind that we humans are omnivores, capable of eating both plants and animals. Sure, broccoli might not be as appealing as a hamburger, but that's why God bestowed upon us the gift of Cheese, to impart savor unto all the unappealing greens that grow on the earth. Cheese rules. You ever had one of those Chicago Style Stuffed pizzas? They have like an inch of cheese, with the various toppings layered underneath, with the sauce on top. Think that sounds upside down? Well eff you blasphemer!
But it takes a few steps in the skill-tree before you're allowed to take 'cheese making'. First you need to master basic farming, followed by animal husbandry. With a few ranks in dairy mastery to boot. But, all that work is worth it when you get your first wheel of cheddar. Hell, I forgot about the sauce! We're gonna need to put in a few rows of tomato plants.
What am I still doing here? I'm need to go get me some cows, for when the apocalypse finally arrives, I don't want to give up the pizza goodness.
This'll be a cake walk. Especially after I get the cake vines producing.
Zombie Uprising – Nothing has changed, you still need food to survive. Unless you're a zombie. Then all you're going to want to do is eat brains, and that's more of a hunter-gathering activity than it is farming. Unless you're one of those mutated smart zombies, and you breed humans and keep them in pens. You damned dirty zombies. Enslaving the warm-blooded folks like cattle! Don't worry my people! The resistance will save you! Unless the super intelligent mutant zombies figure us out and sneak a mole into our ranks... ZOMBIES!!!!!! DAMN YOU! 5/5.
Global Warming - A planet covered in oceans. Prime farm land is gonna be hella-scarce. Unless your ride is an aircraft carrier, planting surface crops won't be too helpful. Which is bad, because we need those delightful vitamins that plants so easily provide, to do things like prevent our teeth from falling out. Sad day. Better learn to love sushi, because I think that seaweed and salmon farms are about to explode. I hate fish. 3/5
Alien Invasion – Well, we are going to need food. I think that's been established so far. Food provides us with the strength to fight. ET isn't going to give us a food pantry, unless they're doing one of those 'fattening us up so that they can eat us' sort of deals. At which point I see anorexia coming into fashion amongst the freedom fighters of the world. Good thing potatoes are easy to grow and rugged as hell. Did you know that you can grow potatoes in garbage bins filled with sawdust? They aren't exactly difficult to cultivate. Makes you wonder what the hell the Irish were doing... 5/5
Nuclear Apocalypse – Mutations can be good things. Assuming that the fallout doesn't give rise to an army of intelligent plants intent on getting revenge on the monkeys who burned th earth. And for the grievous insult that is Ranch Salad Dressing. We've dug our own hole with a ranch bottle. But, sooner or later our stores of canned food will begin to wear thin. When we're down to Spaghetti-Os and Dogfood, you can keep the Spaghetti-Os. That stuff is shit in a can. With a little luck, those plant mutations will be beneficial rather than aggressive and vengeful, and we can leave the stock of Spaghetti-Os for a real emergency. Like one of those feed the followers poison for a grand mass suicide that typical cult leaders love. 5/5
Resource Wars – Man, the Amish are going to be rolling over in their fields laughing at us. Ja, where are your fancy cars now technology lovers? For they alone held onto the old ways of doing things, leaving them in damn good shape to take over the world when we run out of oil. Fear the Amish War Cow of future years. Now the state of Iowa alone grows enough corn to feed the entire United States. Just Iowa. The rest of our corn goes to fattening cattle and making carbonated sugared water. I have two words for you: Bio-fuel. Wait, is that two words? Or is it just one? How does the hyphen factor in? Frak. Who cares? In the future, our cars will smell like a Fast Food Joint, and it will be marvelous.
Ok, all the above scores, fairly irrelevant. The face of it is, we need food to continue living. Hunting and gathering will only take us so far and without some cultivation going on, we're doomed as a species. So take interest and plant your victory garden today and do your part to stomp the Hun/Vorlons/Lord Humungous/Pirates/Retail Workers. Buy Pocalypse Bonds today!
Me? I'm gonna try to find a copy of Farming for Dummies.
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