John Carpenter, you so crazy.

The Mouth of Madness. 1994. Color. No nudity – jerks.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0113409/

Well, first off, this is an Apocalyptic flick rather than Post Apocalyptic. It portrays the events leading up to the end of the world. Good enough. Besides, I love me some John Carpenter and am always willing to give one of his movies a viewing. You ever seen Big Trouble in Little China? Yes? Then you know why.

Our movie tonight revolves around a hot-shot insurance claims adjuster. Sexy no? His job, his whole life, is that of a skeptic who catches con-artists in the act of defrauding the insurance companies. Burned down your wife to collect the policy? Not so fast. Not while our man is on the job bitch. He will somehow manage to get your dog to rat you out and send your ass to prison. Yeah, that is one super badass that we have here. An insurance adjuster. Our last line of defense end of the world.

Fuck. We're doomed.

The plot centers around a New England horror writer, who seems to be a combination of the might of Steven King and H.P. Lovecraft. He writes novels about a small New England town and the terrifying monsters that lie beneath and the insanity that they bring with them. Fun stuff. Enough so that he brings in billions and billions of dollars, and when he disappears before his last book is completed, his publisher Moses(Chuck Heston himself) wants him found.

So who do they call? The A-Team? McGyver? Rambo? Do I need to ask this question? Do I need to answer it? No.

He's saddled with a hot chick, the missing writer's editor, and sent off to figure out where a man whom none of them had ever seen before due to the fact that he's a creepy recluse who only contact with the publisher is through his literary agent. Conveniently enough, the literary agent tries to plant an axe in our hero and is gunned down by the cops. I wonder if this is a satirical stab at literary agents. The heartless bastards.

This all leaves our hero on his own to solve the puzzle. And so he does, sending him to New Hampshire of all places, to try and find a town that doesn't exist on any maps. Mmmmmm, just a hint of Twilight Zone. Zesty.

I shall cut it short. They find the town that doesn't exist. The town's fucked up. There are deep spiritual, philosophical, and metaphysical questions asked on the meaning of life, the universe and everything. As well as the nature of reality and the power of individuals and groups to alter that reality by thought and belief.

And then John Carpenter rapes your brain.

Watch it. I endorse this one heartily. But on with the review, and what we learned from the movie.

Alright, first, remember how I said that reading was the ultimate skill to be had in the post apocalyptic world? Well fuck all that. Reading brought around the end of the world. Who saw that coming? Building cybernetic warriors, this I can believe. Or playing God and creating a supervirus, totally plausible. But end of the world through horror novel? Dick move. What are we going to read when the wold does come to an end? Poetry and technical handbooks? Shit. Worst Apocalypse Ever.

No, wait. I reserve the spot of Worst Apocalypse Ever for the Internet Porn Apocalypse. Where net-porn will bring about the end of the world. Creepy Horror Novel Apocalypse is just a close second.