Sunday, January 2, 2011

Give a hoot, read a book.

Literacy. It appeared somewhere between the dawn of Civilization and the discovery of Sliced bread. I would be inclined to argue that it is one of the most important inventions/discoveries that we simians ever accidentally happened upon. Literacy extended the memory of our species. The written word is a work of pure genius. The ability to transcribe sounds into squiggles on a piece of paper to record your thoughts for future generations to read and understand. That's powerful.

Then some asshole had to come along and invent Slash Fiction. Rule 34. No exceptions.

I feel that I already have a decent grasp of the written word. I would guess that you all do too. Unless you're only here for the tantalizing pictures of gorgeous women that always appear along with the text. Or maybe they just like looking at the rows and rows of pretty squiggly lines. In which case, all the proceeding and following are largely irrelevant and none of this is at all useful. Making my endeavor rather ironically meaningless. How's that for comedy?

For the rest, I'm just preaching to the choir and once again it doesn't matter what I say. Take the following:

You know what I hate? Vampires. Those blood sucking freaks. What's dead should stay dead. I really can't stand how a segment of our population has decided that rapists and murderers are all of a sudden sexy. A walking corpse that devourers your very life and soul? Gimme three baby! Cold as ice to the touch? And you want me to put it where? Sounds like fun! Water rolled down his gleaming pecs as the shirtless man stepped out of the mist and into the lantern light that seemed to keep the roiling grey mass at bay. The woman in red turned to look at the newcomer, mistaking him at first, briefly, for a farmhand. His rock-hard muscles rippled with each step. He was no mere farmhand. She knew him. Well. “Lady Shelly!” He said, falling to one knee before the veiled woman in the long red dress. His eyes burned with desire for her. She away turned from him. The scoundrel! How dare he show his beautiful face! On the day of her wedding! The most wanted man in the county. The Brigand Eduardo Jones. Use a moderate quantity of a natural manure to fertilize the soil and ensure proper growth of the wheat stalks. Throw wheat seeds in the furrows using a semi circular movement of your wrist or attach a grain drill to a tractor to plant the seeds. For a dry area, sprinkle a small quantity of seeds. A heavily cultivated wheat uses up the water in the ground more quickly. SOURCE

Which of the previous mass of symbols was actually useful? Not too much I would think. Though I am sure that more of the adventures of Eduardo Jones: Highwayman of Much Repute will be vastly entertaining.

Literacy is the keystone skill in the apocalypse. Unless there were masses of mobs, worldwide, setting fire to libraries and bookstores – then there will be tons of information encoded in those millions of books. There are books to cover about every topic that the human experience has yet to experience. Farming, computers, and God, they're all there. Given time and the proper material (Not to mention sufficient motivation), a literate and half-way intelligent human being can vastly better themselves. With this in mind, I'm putting together a library. Just in case the end does come. Be prepared and all that. I also happen to really like books.

Here's a list. Some I have, others not so much so:


The Wilderness Survival Handbook
: An Illustrated and information packed book that is also relatively small in size. Easy to read and packed with information. Now I wish someone was giving me a check for pimping it. Who doesn't need to know how to navigate by land or build an impromptu shelter against the elements? You're probably going to have to travel overland sometime.

Pioneer Pottery: Basically a how to on setting up your own pot shop. This book covers everything. Are you currently exclaiming: WTF? POTTERY? Understandable. But here it is, the pottery wheel is one of the underlying supports of many human civilizations(I had several history professors utter this statement – none of them were potters themselves). Why? Simple, if you grow bumper crops of food, you're going to need storage vessels. Water Jars. And the like. When humanity tries to get together and rebuild civilization, these may be important skills to have.

The Ultimate Guide to Homesteading: It's in my wishlist on Amazon to pick up later, mostly since it hasn't been released yet. But the book looks promising and it rather inexpensive. So I have high hopes. Looks like a cross between a wilderness survival handbook and a guide to farm and country life.

Hobby Farming For Dummies: Hobby Farming is running a smallish farm that can be handled by a limited number of people part time. I don't know the exact number of acres, but it implies small scale farming. Also on my wishlist, I have not picked this bad boy up yet. The For Dummies series has always been an enjoyable and simple read.


The Art of Blacksmithing
: Not only how to make weapons and armor, but also the equally important tools and implements of every day lives. Or so I'm told. Another one in my wishlist. I look forward to learning more about blacksmithing, and to writing up a post on it's potential importance as a craft.


Poor Man's James Bond
: I've ordered this book, but have not read it yet. I imagine that the mere act of ordering it has put me onto several government watch lists as a potential terrorist. So be it, let them watch. I say that, up until the FBI knocks on my door. I can only wonder at how I'll respond. Probably with a river of urine running down my leg and puddling at my feet. PMJB is a book written for the right-wing nutjob survivalist types. I don't know how accurate it is. I don't think I'll be testing it anytime soon. So I could have just wasted a fair chunk of change. Even so, the arrow mounted grenade is pretty damn awesome.

First Aid. I don't have a suggestion here. I'm not well enough versed in the area of expertise, and medical treatment isn't a place where you want to skimp or go astray.


Energy concerns
: I don't know about you, but I enjoy our mastery over electricity and how it makes my life better and more interesting. From the simple electric light to video games, electric power pervades our daily lives. Sadly, the power grid in most places will only be functioning for about a week after any cataclysm, making electricity a scarce commodity.

The Twilight Series: Is making fun of Twilight cliché yet? I certainly hope not. I haven't had my turn! Ah well here it goes. “Why carry Twilight? Gotta burn something to stay warm.” I've never read Twilight, so I really don't like making fun of it on any deeper and more venomous level. I'm just a sheep and follow the memes. And I hope that my streak for not reading Twilight goes unbroken, maybe even becomes some sort of world record.

But, in the realm of Twilight, without actually being Twilight. By this I mean books meant to entertain, these can be as important as volumes that are intended to instruct. We're imaginative creatures and we need entertainment and stimulation.

I bet, with a little work, you can find most of this information for free on Google. Awesome. Though I think wireless hot-points will be on the far side of scarce when the end comes. Best to get those books in hard copy.

No comments:

Post a Comment