Once again much time has passed since I
bothered with my skills blog. I think I've been puttering about with
this for about 3 years now, it appears that my first post came around
October of 2009. That I'm still working on this project rather
amazes me, as I have the attention span of a gnat.
Looks as if, regardless of who wins the 2012 election here in the states, the Palin-ocapylse will have to be postponed until at least 2016. Good that, as it will give me plenty of time to prepare.
I guess it's about time for a check-up
on my progress as a potential survivor. And my prognosis is still
poor. I have hardly added so much as a jot of useful skills. My
singular attempt at gardening was a learning experience (read as
utter failure). I've not so much as touched the controls of an
airplane, and nobody in their right mind would approach me to perform
an emergency surgery on so much as a recently deceased hamster.
Hell, I've not even made much progress
on the next volume of my zombie series. So much for all that
research! Ah well, I work full time and have other hobbies, zombie 5
will have to wait.
But I have collected a tremendous
amount of information in the form of books. My library has exploded
as I've found books on topics ranging from farming to blacksmithing.
Most of these skills I've yet to really develop in any sort of
hands-on manner. The best way to learn is to do.
Last autumn/winter I happened upon the
miniseries Gettysburg. If you're unaware, Gettysburg is about the
American Civil War battle (circa 1863) that was a major turning point
for the Union. What was striking about it was the mad style of
facial hair that many of the historical figures had. Everything
ranging from the standard beard to wild
mutton-chops(sideburns/burnsides).
Upon finishing the series I declared “I
wanna do that to my face!”
As I was completely unemployed at the
time, so I did. I have a moderately-full growth of facial hair and
some of the women in my life claimed that I looked good in a beard.
But alas, I landed a new job and was asked to trim up the massive
tangled growth on my face. So, I went through a piece at a time and
trimmed away and manscaped, collecting pictures as I went, until my
face was once again in pristine original condition.
I've discovered something with my
aforementioned experiment, I don't really like having whiskers.
They're scratchy and have a tendency to catch food. Whilst out
exercising during the winter I experienced a damp feeling upon my
upper lip. “Oh no!” I exclaimed, “I've developed a bloody
nose!” Not so, it turns out that my mustache was the perfect
collector of condensation. Really, this shouldn't have been a
surprise in the least, but damn I never expected anything like.
Just this morning I realized that there
is a daily life skill that I do not have. I don't know how to shave.
This is remarkable in light of the fact that I am an adult male who
goes clean shaven and that I have a moderately full beard when I do
let it grow out. For short stints I've tinkered with growing beards
over the last decade or so, but have always employed the modern
convenience of an Electric Razor.
And this is where the “I never
learned to shave” comes into play. This still seems really sad for
a grown man to admit. I live in a society where facial hair is generally frowned upon. That is to say that most men are expected to be clean-shaven as the norm. Strange I must admit, especially when compared to societies that view a full beard as a sign of manliness.
I tend to follow the norm. Lazy as I am.
The electric razor is functional and
fast, if not as effective as a proper straight razor. I suppose it
doesn't help that I rarely change the blades – but they cost nearly
as much as the device itself, and I'm cheap/poor. But as a tool it
does an adequate job of at least taming some of my whiskers, if not
leaving me utterly smooth. And I will be honest, I'm never overly
concerned with my appearance anyway. The electric razor isn't elite,
but it gets the job done well enough and quickly.
More so, and finally getting to the
ever so pessimistic theme of this blog, that electric razor requires
a source of electricity to make it run... blah blah blah... I don't plan to look like a hipster/hippie/pedophile when the Palinocalypse strikes... blah blah blah... straight
razor!
I shall preface the rest of this and
admit that I am a wimp. I don't like the idea of an extremely sharp
blade running over my face and neck. They aren't amazing either one,
but I'd like to keep what I got.
Here's the thing, an electric razor is
a lot like an automatic transmission. Fast and convenient. And it
doesn't involve a naked blade and visions of my life blood
fountaining out of a gash in my throat Sam Rami style.
I've actually investigated the
possibility of learning to shave. Youtube is a brilliant invention
when the anonymous stupids aren't clogging it up, and I've seen some
useful videos on various subjects. Thankyou helpful youtubers –
just keep ignoring the worthless tools who add nothing to the
conversation.
Ok, so I have a guide as to how to
actually shave. Now all I need is the gear. Google, I need you!
Oh. $200 for a shaving kit? And that
isn't even the expensive one? (the latter tops out at $3000.00 and
comes with 7 razors). Sure, I could find a cheaper kit I am
certain. But I don't think I want to goto the lowest bidder with
something like a razor. Yeah, fuck that. Money, and my lack of it
stands in my way once again.
That and laziness.
